Fighting The Teacher Guilt When Off Sick

Teachers do guilt like pros, especially when they're ill! Next time you're debating going in when you're unwell, read this blog...

Last week I felt unwell.

I had several coaching calls and training commitments which I really didn't want to cancel...so I was faced with the choice to plough on with my big to-do list or rest up.

It was really interesting that despite having worked for myself for over a year now, I still had the same old resistance to taking time to recuperate.

You know the stories…

“I’m not that ill really.”

“If I just get going I’ll be fine.”

“Other people are feeling just as rough and are at work.”

“There will just be more to do if I don’t get on with it.”

“People will get annoyed with me.”

When it comes to taking time off sick from school, we can end up spending half a day preparing for it and feeling we'll definitely pay for it later!

Even having left the classroom, there are some sneaky thoughts that prevent us from taking time to rest when we need to.

If you’ve been feeling run down at school or work, I wonder if any of these resonate?

I have too much to do

The classic that gets us all.

You can feel the weight of the deadlines and multitasking heavy on your shoulders - it’s already getting impossible maintaining the juggle when feeling rough, let alone dropping all the balls to sit down, only to pick up twice as many the following day!

There maybe a tendency to push through and “be your future best friend”, but this is the same logic that keeps us working till late trying to prepare or even over-prepare - the prize of reaching “enough” is a fallacy and basically proclaiming, “I must be on my KNEES before I can stop!” 🦹🏼‍♀️

Let me ask… if you finished everything on your list today, would you be done? Would you relax? Really?

There’s always more to do.

And yes taking time away might increase your work but naturally some things on your list may evaporate.

For example, certain things will just need covering and be picked up by someone else.

Other things will need to be delayed.

Letting people down.

This leads me to the next mind gremlin:

“I’m worried about letting other people down. They're all so stressed/overworked. They don’t need me adding to it.”

Of course they don’t need any more work. It makes it even more unfair when we know it’s not just those with the capacity who will pick up the extra load.

However, if roles were reversed, what would you do?

Say?

Think?

Yes you may be momentarily annoyed and frustrated because you’re already busy BUT would you fester on it all day?

Would you really go about your day seething at the injustice, sharing knowing glances in the staffroom and rant to your partner when you get home about your lazy colleague who has abandoned you without a second thought?!

No. Didn’t think so. 😊

And yet this is where our mind can go isn’t it?

This is perhaps funny when we're removed from the situation, but we genuinely beat ourselves up with awful thoughts about what others might say and do.

Please remember, (mostly) people are nice and they care about you.

They might not want any extra work but when it helps a colleague in need, they know you’ll willingly do the same when required.

No one chooses to put work on someone else, so try to embrace the idea that when you’re stronger you’ll be ready to cover for someone when they need you.

Am I ill enough though?

This is such a funny yet common concern!

If a doctor tells us we’re not allowed to be at school/work, there can be a huge sense of relief. To not have to “adult” and have someone take the decision away from us! Bliss.

This was my main concern last week as I wasn’t immobilised and “could” have pushed through and worked.

Investigating whether we are ill enough, feels like a game we’re rarely going to win.

There might be a deeper concern that others won’t think we’re “ill enough” so we end up going to school visibly ill to prove we shouldn't be there... 🤦‍♀️

It also suggests we’re “saving” taking time off until we’re worse - but that doesn’t happen. We just do the same thing every time we’re ill until we can’t be there due to physically falling apart. Losing my voice was usually a sign of this. And no - I didn't get any prizes for soldiering on!

Similar is when we play the game of “waiting to see how I feel”, delaying a day to rest and promising ourselves, if we’re worse, THEN we’ll stay home. But inevitably we keep pushing the goal posts and struggle on through.

Perhaps the concern or question underneath this self-inflicted torment is actually: “How guilty should I feel about being off?

This is a slide from my Back to Balance session inside the Adventures After Teaching Academy where we were exploring boundaries, being assertive and what feeling guilty really means.

We may find it hard to say “no” to people and this comes up when we have to call in sick too.

We’ve made the call. We sit and question the decision, worrying about everyone carrying our workload. We start to “should” ourselves and wallow, not resting. All this energy reaffirms for us that next time we shouldn’t say “no”. It was a mistake to take a day off.

The way to break the cycle is to tell yourself... "I AM NOT SORRY".

You have nothing to apologise for.

You are not wrong.

You do not regret your actions or words.

You don’t need to apologise for being ill.

These are a few questions that can help when you’re stuck in this guilt pattern.

Try asking yourself:

Can I do a good job today?
Will I deplete further (get worse) for not resting?
If you had 5 sick days a year, would I take one today?
Would I advise a friend/family member to rest?
What’s the worst that will happen if I look after myself today?

Difficulty taking time when you're ill can be symptomatic of wider challenges, such as not trusting yourself or your judgement, and a habit of over-giving and self-sacrifice.

If this sounds familiar, you might like to start scrutinising how often you deplete for others and where there's potential resentment brewing.

Hopefully after reading this, you'll feel a little more comfortable taking a day off when you’re ill!

If so, I recommend where possible committing to mentally removing yourself from work by taking 30 min to delegate, reschedule or cancel things; if you've admitted you need help because you're unwell, fully invest in the rest you’ve decided to take... without feeling remorse!

If all else fails, and you’re feeling rubbish at home, try to trick yourself into believing it’s a Sunday and snuggle further under that blanket. 😊

If you'd like to know more about the support on offer inside the Academy, please visit https://www.adventuresaftertea...