The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Rewriting Your Inner Narrative After Career Setbacks

You didn't get the job. Again. As you close your laptop after reading the rejection email, a familiar voice starts up in your head: "See? I told you this was a stupid idea. You're a teacher, not cut out for the corporate world. Who were you kidding thinking you could make this work? Maybe you should just go back to the classroom where you know what you’re doing."

Or perhaps it's been three months since you started job searching, and the voice sounds different: "Everyone else seems to be landing roles easily. There must be something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm too old, too inexperienced, too set in my ways. This career change thing works for other people, but clearly not for me."

If these internal monologues sound familiar, you're experiencing something every career changer knows intimately: the stories we tell ourselves after setbacks. These narratives, crafted by our worried minds, often become obstacles to our success more than any external barrier we face.

But here's what's both liberating and empowering to understand: these stories aren't facts. They're interpretations. And interpretations can be rewritten.

The Neuroscience of Story-Making

Your brain is essentially a story-making machine. When faced with uncertainty, rejection, or setbacks, it immediately begins crafting narratives to make sense of what's happening. This isn't a character flaw – it's how human brains are designed to function.

The problem is that when we're stressed, disappointed, or feeling vulnerable (all common experiences during career transitions), our brains default to stories that prioritise psychological safety over accuracy. It feels safer and easier to conclude "I'm not good enough" than to sit with the uncertainty of "I don't know why this didn't work out, but it might have nothing to do with my worth as a candidate."

For teachers especially, this tendency can be particularly pronounced. We're used to having control over our environment, understanding why things succeed or fail, and seeing direct cause-and-effect relationships between our efforts and outcomes. Career change strips away many of these certainties, leaving our story-making brains to fill in the gaps with often unhelpful narratives.

The Most Common Unhelpful Stories (And Why They Feel So True)

"I'm Too Old/Late to Make This Change"

This story usually emerges after seeing younger candidates get opportunities or feeling overwhelmed by new technology, corporate language, and industry norms.

What makes it feel true: Age discrimination can be real in some industries, and there may be a legitimate concern about competing with digital natives. When you’ve been working in the same profession for a long time, that voice inside saying ‘this is all I can do’ may feel particularly strong.

Why it's incomplete: Experience, emotional intelligence, and work ethic are valuable regardless of age. Many companies actively seek mature professionals who bring stability and wisdom, and in the modern world people are increasingly changing careers later across a wide range of sectors. Inside the Adventures After Teaching Academy we have supported both ends of the scale - from those who have been teaching a few years, to those who have been teaching over 30 years - to step into new careers.

"I Don't Have the Right Background"

This narrative kicks in when job descriptions seem to require specific degrees, certifications, or industry experience you don't possess.

What makes it feel true: Many job postings do list specific requirements, and some roles genuinely need particular qualifications.

Why it's incomplete: Job descriptions often represent a wish list rather than absolute requirements. Many successful career changers get hired based on potential and transferable skills rather than perfect background matches. What’s key is knowing how to reposition those skills, and understanding which job vacancies are worth focusing your efforts on.

"Everyone Else Has It Figured Out, But I'm Struggling"

This story flourishes on platforms like LinkedIn, where career change success stories can be inspiring, but can also make the journey look seamless and inevitable.

What makes it feel true: Social media amplifies success stories while struggles remain private, creating a distorted perception of others' experiences.

Why it's incomplete: Career change is challenging for everyone. Those smooth success stories you see online represent the highlight reel, not the full journey with its inevitable setbacks and doubts. Have a listen to the Adventures After Teaching podcast to hear some of the twists and turns in people’s individual success stories for a bit of balance.

"I Made a Huge Mistake Leaving Teaching"

This narrative often emerges during particularly challenging periods of job searching or after multiple rejections.

What makes it feel true: Teaching provided security, purpose, and a clear professional identity. Career change introduces uncertainty and feelings of a temporary loss of expertise.

Why it's incomplete: Difficulty during transition doesn't negate the valid reasons you decided to leave teaching. Challenges are part of the process, not evidence that the decision was wrong. You can feel sad about leaving, but still be making the right choice.

"I'm Just Not Cut Out for This"

This story typically develops after facing unfamiliar challenges or receiving feedback about areas needing development.

What makes it feel true: Learning new industries means frequent encounters with your own knowledge gaps and inexperience.

Why it's incomplete: Feeling challenged or needing to develop new skills is normal during career transitions. It's evidence of growth, not inadequacy. Whilst it can be really tough to receive feedback, particularly when you’re feeling vulnerable, burnt out or lacking in confidence, it doesn’t mean that a career change wasn’t meant for you. With rejection comes redirection, and you can hopefully use any feedback to inform your next application.

The Anatomy of Unhelpful Narratives

Understanding how these stories develop can help you recognise them more quickly. Most unhelpful career change narratives share common characteristics:

They're absolute: "I'll never find a role in this field" rather than "This search is taking longer than I hoped."

They're permanent: "I'm not good at networking" rather than "I'm still developing my networking skills."

They're personal: "I'm fundamentally flawed" rather than "This particular opportunity wasn't the right fit."

They're pervasive: "I can't do anything right" rather than "This specific interview didn't go well."

They ignore context: They focus on your perceived shortcomings while ignoring external factors like market conditions, timing, or simple bad luck.

The Rewriting Process: From Critic to Coach

Changing your internal narrative isn't about positive thinking or denial of real challenges. It's about becoming a more accurate and helpful narrator of your own experience. Here's how to make that shift:

Step 1: Notice the Story

The first step is simply awareness. When you feel deflated, anxious, or defeated after a setback, pause and ask: "What story am I telling myself right now about what this means?"

Write it down if possible. Seeing the narrative in black and white often reveals how extreme or unhelpful it really is.

Step 2: Examine the Evidence

Treat your internal story like a hypothesis that needs testing. Ask:

What evidence supports this narrative?
What evidence contradicts it?
What context am I ignoring?
How would I evaluate this situation if it were happening to a friend?
What would a neutral observer conclude?

Step 3: Consider Alternative Narratives

For every unhelpful story, there are usually several more balanced alternatives. Practice generating multiple interpretations:

Instead of: "I bombed that interview because I'm not qualified for this field."

Consider: "That interview didn't go as well as I hoped, which could mean I need more practice with interview skills, or it might mean we weren't a good cultural fit, or perhaps the interviewer was having an off day."

Step 4: Choose the Most Helpful Story

This doesn't mean choosing the most optimistic story – it means choosing the most accurate and constructive one. The best narratives:

Acknowledge real challenges without catastrophising
Focus on what you can learn or control
Maintain hope while being realistic
Motivate action rather than paralysis

Step 5: Test Your New Story Through Action

The proof of a helpful narrative is whether it leads to productive action. If your rewritten story motivates you to apply for more roles, seek feedback, or develop new skills, it's serving you well.

Rewriting Common Career Change Narratives

Let's practice the rewriting process with some typical career change stories:

Original Story: "I've been searching for six months and haven't found anything. I must be doing something fundamentally wrong."

Rewritten: "Six months of searching shows I'm persistent and committed to finding the right fit. The job market can be challenging, and career change often takes time. I can use this period to refine my approach and continue building relevant skills."

Original Story: "That interviewer seemed unimpressed when I explained my teaching background. They probably think I can't handle the business world."

Rewritten: "That interviewer might not have understood how teaching skills transfer to business contexts, which gives me valuable information about how to better communicate my experience in future interviews."

Original Story: "I see other career changers getting jobs quickly while I'm still struggling. There must be something wrong with me."

Rewritten: "Everyone's career change journey is different, with varying timelines based on industry, location, economic conditions, and personal circumstances. Other people's success timelines don't determine mine."

Original Story: "I made a mistake leaving teaching. At least I was good at that."

Rewritten: "Career change is challenging, which doesn't negate the valid reasons I decided to leave teaching. Difficulty during transition is normal and temporary, not evidence that I made the wrong choice."

The Ongoing Journey of Narrative Choice

Learning to rewrite your internal narratives isn't a one-time skill you master and then forget about. It's an ongoing practice that becomes more natural over time.

Career change will continue to present challenges, and your brain will continue to craft stories about what those challenges mean. The difference is that you'll become more skilled at recognising when those stories are helpful versus harmful, and more practiced at consciously choosing narratives that serve your goals and well-being.

Remember: you are not the victim of your thoughts. You are the author of your story, and you have the power to revise it whenever it's not serving you.

Categories: : Psychology of Career Change